thursday.

middle of the night phone conversations in which i'm discovering not only things about you...but...about me, too...and how silently, we move forward in the process of coming back to life.

my kitters who do a great double team job of greeting me with quite a bit of enthusiasm in the morning.

a safe transit to work.

william and his subtle way of expressing care by goofing with me this morning.

the golden quality of light this morning.

cindy-lou sharing her tofu and brown rice with me at lunch.

the 3rd shiny marble i've found in the parking lot in the last 2 months [i never cease to be amazed at the thought of them having rolled from who-knows-where?...avoiding the gutter...or being crushed by the countless trucks to shine like tiny gems smiling up from the tarmac]

the brilliant thrift store finds...all between 7 and 50% off...hooray.

beverly's care and thoughtfulness.

cindy...who so often makes me laugh at work...truly, the bright spot of my everydays.

that i still have a rental car to drive.

the nice lady at the car lot who is very forthright and compassionate [she was a very intuitive customer specialist...she both talked and listened]

the afternoon rain.

stopping for kombucha and talking with the very nice girl in the natural grocer's who pointed out that she had just marked down the vegan/macro thai dumplings and that they were 50% off.

eating the most delicious vegan thai dumplings stakeout-like with my fingers in the car.

spending a short bit of time this evening with mum, because i was closer to her when she called than i was closer to home, and i just couldn't stand the thought of not hugging her.

that i have such an amazing family.

the continued text messages of care and concern...especially from msg.

the strength to make it through another day.

that one particular text about her heart pocket.

the smell of sea salt and brine as i crossed the inlet on the way home.

pema greeting me my putting her head up against my leg...and reaching her paw out when i made a move toward stepping away.

the reminder tonight to fully live each moment of my life.

thoughts of the solar eclipse tomorrow, considering its significance, and the image of moving with the huge wave of change that is coming.

the process and ability to let go.

wednesday.

it felt like fall to me this morning...not in a physical realm...as it is hot like the mid-summer, but somewhere deep inside there was that quiet. it brought to mind mudjekeewis, and a still peace, and answered a question i've been carrying.


a safe transit to work.


sangeeta's smile, and...taipelehkastocha? [forgive my misspelling]


jenn's text message and garden declaration of faith and blessing.


the gentle souls who check in with my blog daily.


that man at the salvage yard who was nice and helpful on the phone.


my mother who is quick to check in on me and offer encouragement [and knows just when i need it].


the wisdom of tonglen, and the peace, i am so thankful to receive.


the mystery and beauty of sacred geometry.


toddsmilingbuddha's encouraging e-mail.


that i have an insulin pump.


that, in spite of the setbacks, i am not that far behind at work.



that i was able to see my leetle car, lung ta, for the last time today when i went to get the tag.


for bob at the auto body shop...for his big, bear-like presence which, coupled with his happy, compassionate spirit made such a painful moment, oddly, full of joy...his "look, your car looks bad...but it did its job...you're alive" frankness and tender care, and his humour "you're in the bull pen, up to see the adjustor next"..."can i get you some water or something?" was so, so kind and considerate.


that my insurance adjustor just happened to be on site this afternoon, expediting my claim.


that the insurance adjustor settled my case with a remarkable return [truly a miracle].


that i have such a corp cadre of friends to whom i can send cryptic, random, spontaneous text messages: 'please pray, now'...and they'll know exactly what i mean.


that my insurance adjustor was kind.


that when it was time for me to leave, bob met me at the door and said, "can i give you hug?" and did with such a fatherly gesture.


that my rental car has been extended for one more week.

that my dear le-lu got into the art school of her choice...made my heart glad.

that i can sit quietly and know that what comes next will be for my best life.

that sometimes we have those distinct moments where we are granted the perspective that makes us thankful for the path we did -not- take...and instead of sorrow, or frustration at what has turned out to be painful is a sigh of relief for what was really a gracious, life-saving turn of events in retrospect...[and still i will be grateful for the good that was shared...i will speak blessings to you...and will sift the wheat from the chaff]

tuesday.

sashi's eyes that blink when he feels safe and loved.

tim's huge hug when i got to work.

the text messages that continue to roll in expressions of love and care...especially from angela and jenn.

everyone who is praying.

leisy's phone call.

getting a hold of my insurance adjustor the moment he was at my car.

my conversation with beverly about our childhoods and the peace of knowing God's love through so much pain.

cindy loaning me $3 for lunch.

texts from my brother.

getting a book i wanted for free.

feeling that stir of a deep truth being imparted deep within in my conversation with jackie.

the woman at the drive thru window who called me 'baby' in that motherly way.

the evening rain.

coming home to 2 kitters waiting at the door

[the declaration]

song-poet voice like child whisper
spirit solid as stone
faith my shiny marble
held out to You with tiny, stained hands
it's my only pretty penny
copper circle around my need
such is the wealth I have to offer
in a sum, quite near nothing
still I know every treasure
gathered up in the folds of my skirt
snow white bird feather
plucked from blackened ash and gutter
soupcon and glimpse
Your table waiting in the wilderness.